How to Love a Woman

How to Love a Woman (October 29, 2005) Preach at the Susanville SDA Church

Audio Sermon: How to Love A Woman (November 22, 2004)

More articles and sermons by David M. Curtis Click here

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Special thanks to all the wonderful people who have taken time to write me encouraging letters inspired by this article. These letters have been a huge blessing to me. I thought I would share a couple of them with hopes that they will encourage anyone reading this to read the whole article. I truly hope this article will bless many many people. A special thank you to the women who wrote the following letters.

"I read your article.... Quite frankly I did not expect it to be anything 'to write home about'.... To say I was impressed would be the understatement of the age. I was 'blown away' by your knowledge of the innermost heart and mind of a woman, to see that you really know how a woman thinks and feels, this is rare in any Man, and one so young to have grasped this, I wondered are these the words and sentiments of this 30 year old young man or is there an ancient sage with knowledge of the universe hidden behind the innocence of this youthful face?"

Another woman wrote,

"I have just finished reading your article "How to Love a Woman." What a breath of fresh air!!! You truly have a God-given talent for putting things into words. Your message is so inspiring that I wish there was some way for it to be spread to everyone around the world; especially couples about to be married."

Again I appreciate all the encouragement. I hope this article is a great blessing to all those who read it. David

How to Love a Woman
By: David M. Curtis  

Audio Sermon: How to Love A Woman (November 22, 2004)

Inspiration... What is it? I was reading tonight from the 1828 Webster's Dictionary and it said the following.

INSPIRA'TION, n. [L. inspiro.]

The act of drawing air into the lungs; the inhaling of air; a branch of respiration, and opposed to expiration.

2. The act of breathing into any thing.

3. The infusion of ideas into the mind by the Holy Spirit; the conveying into the minds of men, ideas, notices or monitions by extraordinary or supernatural influence; or the communication of the divine will to the understanding by suggestions or impressions on the mind, which leave no room to doubt the reality of their supernatural origin.

So why do I begin this article with such thoughts? Ask yourself, what experiences cause us to feel inspiration? My favorite book begins with these words, "Nature and revelation alike testify of God's love." Steps to Christ p. 1. What excels above all that exists of what causes us to feel inspiration. Love!

When I think of what inspires me I think of things that are noble valiant and courageous. When I feel inspired I want to be something greater than I am. What inspires me to want to be a better person than I am today? It can all be summed up in one word, Love. Love challenges us to grow. Love penetrates the depths of the soul and melts away all fears and insecurities. Love is not a mere want or desire, love is a need. Love is the need for another. Love is as essential as the air we breathe or the water we drink. There is but One source of true love. “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:7,8 “Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus.” The Adventist Home p. 50.

The Bible does not discuss a theory of love, but the very essence of what true love is. I speak not of a sentimental idea, but of the most endearing of all principals. The Lord shares these things in His word so that all who lern these truths may know that we all may be vessels filled with this love to overflowing for the purpose of sharing this same love with everyone. The Lord gives revelations of His love so that it may become inspirational to us, to challenge us to grow and become more like the One who is Love.

There is but one Way to receive, possess and share true Heaven sent love. “The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Romans 5:5. Imagine with me a love that fulfills every need of your soul, which satisfies your every craving bringing you peace and joy unspeakable. Imagine your self being transformed by this love, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 1 Corinthians 5:17.

Most of us including myself have hopes of finding true everlasting love. A love that will stand the test of storm and time. “True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character from that love which is awakened by impulse, and which suddenly dies when severely tested. "Patriarchs and Prophets," pp. 175, 176.

The following is one of my favorite quotes. I have pondered its meaning for 8 years now. “Only by love is love awakened.” Desire of Ages p. 22. If you and I desire true everlasting love we must first possess within us love, understand what it is and know how to share it with someone else. Only by possessing true love can we awaken this same endearing quality in another. A woman has one true desire, it is not for wealth or fame. A woman’s true desire is to be loved. The trouble is that most men are too self-centered to realize and fulfill the most basic need of a woman, which is to be loved.

In the 1880’s Christian churches were alarmed that 5 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. Today, the ratio of marriages to divorces is 2 to 1, and society increasingly believes this is normal and that things have always been this way, and that nothings is ever going to change that. A recent study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control reported that the older the bride is, the longer the marriage will last. A disturbing trend is that sadly men and women are abandoning faith in the ideals of love and marriage. The number of unmarried live-in couples is increasing steadily. Children who live with only one parent has increased from 9% in 1960 to 28% in 2002. Of those 84% of the children live with the mother. Brothers and sisters all of this is a result of a lack of love in our nation.

There is a Bible promise that is rock solid against all these statistics. “Love never fails” 1 Corinthians 13:8. Let’s repeat that. LOVE NEVER FAILS! What is the divorce rate where true love toward God and each other dwells according to God Himself? 0 out of 100 marriages! Why? Brothers and sisters love NEVER fails. The remedy for our failing marriages and broken homes is love! Sometimes a remedy requires tough medicine. So men here it is. I repeat what I shared a moment ago. “The trouble is that most men are too self-centered to realize and fulfill the most basic need of a woman, which is to be loved.”

Before I go any farther let me share with the men reading this that is exactly what scripture says. So if you disagree with me you must like Jacob wrestle about that with God. Let’s take a look at this scripture that reveals the number one reason for all the perilous times we now live in. “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves,” 2 Timothy 3:1,2. I hope I have your attention men because I want to share with you who we are supposed to love. “Husbands, love your wives.” Colossians 3:19.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is a childish character trait. Men and women who cannot see past themselves and there own needs have not yet matured. The ability to place the needs of another especially your mate above your own is the test of maturity. Without this quality true love simply does not exist. The death of Christ on the Cross demonstrates this truth.

Let’s look at the law of contrast to reveal what true love is. First lets read the Bible text we looked at a moment ago. “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves,” 2 Timothy 3:1,2. Now lets examine its polarizing opposite. “Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:2-5. That scripture is the best description in the Bible of what true love is.

Jesus Christ is the greatest man who ever lived. He is a real man. Every man who wants to be a “real man” should seek to be like Jesus. This scripture challenges us to be like Christ, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Men if you and I are to fulfill a woman’s true desire, which is for us to truly love her, we must love her as Christ loves her. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25.

What were Christ’s thoughts as He gave Himself? Were His thoughts about Himself or for the ones whom He gave Himself? Ponder the last words of Christ with me. From the moment Jesus was crucified to the moment He died Jesus spoke seven times. The first time He spoke was to ask forgiveness for the Roman soldier. The second time was to promise Heaven to a dying thief. The third was to comfort His agonizing mother. The fourth was to comfort His disciple, the fifth was to express His eternal love and desire for His Father when He cried out, “My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me!” The sixth time was to fulfill Scripture when He spoke of His thirst. The seventh and final time Jesus spoke He was thinking of all that He came to save when He cried out with a loud voice, “IT IS FINISHED!”

Think about this, the unredeemed thief was thinking of himself. “And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us.” Luke 23:39. He was a self-centered man thinking only of saving himself. This was not the attitude of Christ in His agony, He was thinking of everyone but Himself. Praise His name! Let us take another look at this section of scripture describing the mind of Christ. “In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” This was the way Christ gave Himself for the church. This is the way for a man to truly love a woman. ““Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25.

Christ upon the Cross demonstrated the ultimate love described by the Apostle Paul, “in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” How justly is the command given, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Through the words of Christ on the Cross we can see the very mind and character of love that Jesus possessed in His heart, and mind. This is the high and noble principal of love.

In return for a man’s self-sacrificing love a woman is to also practice self-denial to truly love a man. How does the Bible say to do this? “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22. Before I upset all those involved in the women’s lib movement, stop and think about this with me. What woman would not find it her greatest joy to submit to a man who loves her the way Christ loves her? What woman would not rejoice in her heart and quiver inside herself to know that her man’s greatest need is to love her and bring her happiness even before himself?

The very essence of love requires self-denial, placing the needs of the other before your self. A man must seek to “please his wife” 1 Corinthians 7:33, and a wife must seek ways to “please her husband” 1 Corinthians 7:34. This is the circle of love. The Bible also says “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” That involves submission of both the man and the woman. Submission is the act of love. Submission and humility are of the same substance. Submission is placing the other before self. Both the husband and the wife are to have this attitude toward each other.

What is the cure for strife? The answer is right here. “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” Strife occurs when two are self seeking and unwilling to compromise. Each is esteeming their own needs as greater than the others. One can not understand why the other does not ”love” ME by placing MY needs first. Stop and ask the question why not love the other by placing their needs before your own? In most cases where both have this quality of selfless love toward the other a compromise can be reached, satisfying each other’s needs. Even if not should not the principal of love be followed even if it causes you to deny your self to satisfy the needs of the other before you self? Remember, “only by love is love awakened.” The Marriage vows does promise to “love” the other until death do you part?

Television, music and novels have been feeding women with a lie. Women have been programmed by media to think that their greatest need is to be desired by men. That is Satan’s lie counterfeiting the truth. So what is the truth? A woman true desire is to be loved. There is a difference between being desired and being loved. The quest to be desired has left many women feeling empty, used and broken hearted. Scores of women have come to the conclusion that love does not even exist. This is the way Satan would have it. Most women have experienced what it is like to be desired by a man. Ladies, desire is not love. Desire and lust are synonymous. Please do not misunderstand. Physical attraction is important in seeking a mate, but in the quest to find true love physical attraction cannot be the only factor in making a decision to marry.

“That love which has no better foundation than mere sensual gratification will be headstrong, blind, and uncontrollable. Honor, truth, and every noble, elevated power of the mind are brought under the slavery of passions. The man who is bound in the chains of this infatuation is too often deaf to the voice of reason and conscience; neither argument nor entreaty can lead him to see the folly of his course. True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. On the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding. Love, lifted out of the realm of passion and impulse, becomes spiritualized, and is revealed in words and acts. A Christian must have a sanctified tenderness and love in which there is no impatience of fretfulness; the rude, harsh manners must be softened by the grace of Christ.” Adventist Home p. 51.

So how do two people grow from desire and physical attraction to a mature selfless love? “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” The answer is to only dwell together as husband and wife when that decision can be made, “according to knowledge.” “Love is patient” 1 Corinthians 13:4. True love honors God, your parents and each other by taking the time necessary to know each other waiting for marriage for physical intimacy. True selfless love takes time. It is not impulsive. It does not engage in a marriage simply to secure a sexual mate that you find attractive. Love, “looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone.”

Let’s return to our original thoughts about inspiration and a quote we read together earlier. "Nature and revelation alike testify of God's love." Steps to Christ p. 1. Through the Bible and creation God desires to inspire man to love Him and to love one another. Woman is the crowning act of creation designed above and beyond all other of God’s creation to awaken love in man. Marriage is one of only two institutions that still exist from the Garden of Eden. God’s purpose for marriage is that man might learn to be more like Christ as he learns to practice self denying love toward his wife the way Jesus loves her. What greater joy can man and a woman experience than heavenly love between each other? Nothing! Except to experience love from Jesus Christ personally.

Last night, as I went to bed I thought about the life of Jesus. Ladies think about this with me. Imagine a man who would devote His whole life to serving your health and happiness. A man who would work with sweat dripping down his face long hours at the carpenter’s bench, to provide for his widowed mother. A man who fasted 40 days, and all that time all He could think about was spending eternity with you. A man who walked hundreds of miles from village to village; All that time He was searching for you. There was no guarantee of whether or not you would even accept Him. Once He found you and told you He loved you, you might reject Him. All He could think about was sharing His love with you forever and ever.

In His search to find you He was mocked, He was betrayed, He was lain naked on a Cross with a back beaten by the scourge. He was Crucified and on the Cross. He still had no guarantee whether or not you would accept His love. All He knew for certain was that He loved you. He may be sacrificing all these years searching for you to share His love with you in vain. Yet He persevered. Motivated by His love for you He would travel any distance sacrifice everything He had even His life to offer you His love.

I want to remind the men reading, that this is how we are to love our wives. Let me ask the women reading this, if you had a man who loved you like this, how would that make you feel? Is there anything you would not do to show him your love in return? What can be more romantic than this love Jesus demonstrated to His woman the church?

Jesus is a true gentleman, He is a gentle man. He is kind and is a good listener. He is faithful in His love even when the one He loves is not at her best toward Him. He does not hold grudges and is forgiving. He is longsuffering. Every man who chooses to love a woman needs that quality. He does not seek to puff Himself above you. Jesus desires to humble Himself by washing your feet. Every man could learn a lesson from that! Men should love their wives and be willing to do the same. Women love to have their back, shoulders and feet massaged!

Jesus is always attentive listening to the church’s prayers, even in the middle of the night. In the same way men should be attentive to listen to His wife’s feelings and try to understand her. When approaching Jerusalem Jesus wept. Men should not be afraid to be vulnerable and share their feelings with their wives. This does not mean that men should seek from their wives the love their mothers neglected to give them as a child. That would be both unfair to your wife and wrong!

There is another area when examining the love of Christ that we can not leave out. Jesus is self-sacrificing in giving of His love this is true. There is nothing He would not give or sacrifice of Himself to show this love. Despite this fact, Christ is not a wimpy bow to every wish man. Jesus is a man, He is a King, He is a leader. In return for His love He demands loyal obedience from His followers. Now brothers and sisters before I say any more, do you remember the statistics we looked at earlier? Can we all agree that something has happened in our society the past 115 years that has corrupted the family circle and is working to destroy it? What ever that is we need to be honest and look at it and with courage be willing to resist it and overcome it if our families are not going to be succumbed to it.

One destructive force in today’s world is a woman seeking to be the leader of the family. Ladies, you want a man who makes you feel like a woman right? Trust me, men want a woman that makes him feel like a man. When a woman tries to control a man he does not feel manly. This robs him of his masculinity. A woman does not feel feminine when her husband cowers to her like she was his mother. Let’s look at the example of Abraham and Sarah.

Abraham was a man of God and Sarah was a godly woman. God chose Abraham to be the father of his people for the following reason. “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD,” Genesis 18:19. Abraham was a man. Sarah became the mother of God’s people. How did she treat her husband? “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well...” 1 Peter 3:6.

There is one striking example of decision making in the home of Abraham and Sarah that all husbands and wives would do well to learn from. Sarah was deeply upset. She wanted to send away Abraham’s first born son Ishmael and his mother the Egyptian handmaid Hagar. This was a difficult choice for Abraham to make. Please remember that the decision was entirely his to make. He was the patriarch of the family and Sarah would have to submit to his decision. After praying about it, God guided Abraham in a decision to fulfill Sarah’s request. Did Abraham want to do this? No! He loved Ishmael and cared about the welfare of Hagar. Abraham made the tough decision of denying his own feelings. He chose to esteem his wife’s needs before his own. This is the perfect model for husbands and wives today. The Bible says that women should have “a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.” 1 Peter 3:4,5. The Bible says, “Let all your things be done with love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14. Men are not to abuse this authority, but are to like Abraham esteem their wives needs before your own.

Jesus left the glory of heaven and was born as a man living a life of poverty seeking to offer you love. You can choose to reject his love. We may have an established relationship with Him and later choose to reject Jesus through our behavior, by refusing to obey him. In the same way a woman can be in a marriage with a man and still reject him, by refusing to acknowledge him as the man and leader of the home.

Let’s look again at my favorite quote, “only by love is love awakened.” The Bible says, “We love him, because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19. The moon reflects the light of the sun upon the earth. In the same way a woman reflects her husbands love or lack of it on to her family. A woman is like a cup. Her cup is either full of love and overflows to everyone around her or it is empty (or somewhere in between). When a woman is not given love, she can become moody, depressed, aggravated or any number of things. When her heart overflows from love she is sweet compassionate and giving. Any man who fails to love his wife makes his own home miserable. The man is the lover; the woman is the beloved. When a man is self-centered and fails to be a lover the woman becomes neglected. Is it any wonder that she reacts the way she does? She is trying to get her husbands attention, and love. Men simply do not understand her. Again I repeat, “The trouble is that most men are too self-centered to realize and fulfill the most basic need of a woman, which is to be loved.”

Today the roles of a man and woman have slowly become reversed. Men have ceased to be lovers and as a result women have ceased to be the respected cherished, beloved. Let me clarify this. In yesteryear the family ideally imitated how the moon reflected the light of the sun onto the earth, by the mother reflecting the love of her husband onto her children. Today women have become the sun and the men the moon. Grown men are seeking a motherly love from their wives, and women are seeking to be the leaders of the home. Women are depressed and angry, men are uninvolved with there children and inattentive to their wives. The cycle is ruthless and vicious, it can only make society more broken, miserable and immoral unless men once again become lovers and women once again become the cherished and beloved.

We had to look at some tough medicine for the men, Ladies now it is your turn. In the great love chapter 1 Corinthians 13 we read that love “rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.” Let me share with you what this means to me. Love does not dwell on ones vices, love dwells on the good in someone. Prior to marriage, a time of initial fascination or infatuation occurs. Flowers and gifts are shared. Romantic letters are written. Candle light dinners. The phrase “love is blind” is experienced where both seem to only see good qualities in the other. All we can see is our own desire being fulfilled in the other. With this state of things we do not want anything to “burst our bubble.”

Once married, love does not seem as blind as it was before. Reality sinks in. We discover the one we married has some less desirable qualities. We still do not want our bubbles popped. So subtly over time we consciously or unconsciously come to believe we can make changes in the others behavior, thus making them the perfect mate we believed them to be while still dating. When this does not work, we begin feeling frustrated. So we come to think that verbal reminders will work. Overtime when our mate does something we do not like we decide to point it out to them. Before we know it we have been doing this for years. We cannot understand why our mate doesn’t seem to get the message. They do not seem to ever change. You become even more frustrated. Subtle reminders become insatiable nagging.

Let me ask you a question? Who do you want to be around? Someone who makes you feel good about who you are, or someone who always points out your vices to you? The Bible says, “a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” We all love compliments, and want to be around people who believe we are special. It is a fact that children try to do better in school, when their parents express a positive message of confidence in them. Let’s look at these examples. “I know math can be challenging. Son I believe in you, you are so talented. I know you are capable of passing that tough test. If you study hard and pass that test, I am going to plan something very special for you and I to do together this weekend. You can do it, I love you son.” Now compare that with a message like this one, “Your grade in math is terrible, you better improve and pass that test or I will ground you this weekend. Any idiot can pass that test, and get a better grade than you have.” One message is positive and the other is negative. The motivation behind both messages is for the child to pass the test and get a better grade. There is plenty of negative nagging that comes from a good-hearted motive. Sadly negative messages no matter how good the motive behind them have negative influences on relationships.

When two people meet and like each other, they tell each other how pretty or how handsome each other is. We compliment even the little things, and this makes us feel good inside. We like how the other makes us feel. Praise and compliments bring two people together. After marriage, complimenting turn into “constructive criticism.” To the other if repeated frequently it sounds like nagging, and this works towards separating these two people. Compliments bring together, nagging seperates. With this in mind lets read this verse again, along with my interpretation of it. Love “rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.” Love does not dwell on ones vices, love dwells on the good in someone. Remember LOVE NEVER FAILS!

Even if two people are at each other’s throats, on the brink of divorce, if nagging is turned into positive messages of confidence in the good qualities of the other a miracle will take place. Love never fails. Ladies, there is not a man out there that does not want to be near a woman who believes in him and thinks highly of him and expresses all the good qualities you see in him. What is the alternative if nagging does not stop? “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” Proverbs 25:24. If nagging does not stop you will drive him away. You can attract more bees with honey. Try being sweet to him. Remember the child in our example above. Let your man know you believe in him, stand by him, encourage him. A woman will either make or break a man. Behind every great man has been a great woman who believed in him and let him know it.

In 1997 I met a minister and his wife who had been married for 67 years. I had the honor of visiting this couple in there home one afternoon. They said they had not had a single argument in 40 years! This intrigued me. I asked them if they had moments when they got on each other’s nerves. He said, “of course we have.” I asked him what there secret to getting along was. At that moment I received the all time best marriage advice I had ever heard. He said, “When we get on each other’s nerves we hold each other’s hands and get on our knees and pray to the great marriage Councilor in Heaven about our problem until we find peace with God and each other.” I liked that, how about you? It worked for them and it will work for you too.

Ladies, you want a man to respect you right? First you must respect yourselves, and honor God and your parents! Be modest in the way you dress, and wait for marriage. There is one of two messages a lady can send to a man in the way she dresses. Immodesty sends the message, I am cheap, it is ok to use me and throw me away. Modesty sends the message, I am valuable, I am worth keeping, but first you must respect me, if you want me you must treasure me and win my heart. A virtuous woman also sends the message that if you want my body you must love me and marry me first. Which message do you want to send to men?

Remember the old show "Father Knows Best?" Well our Father in Heaven knows best. This is what He says, "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array" 1 Timothy 2:9

Take a look at the conception of a embryo with me. Millions of little warrior sperms seek an entrance into the woman’s egg. Once one has victoriously penetrated the egg a protective membrane surrounds that egg so that it becomes impossible for any other sperm to get inside. This reflects a man’s true desire. When a man becomes fascinated with a woman and has feelings for her he wants to gain an entrance into her heart. Once inside he wants a wall of protection to surround your heart so that no other man could possible get in.

Nothing makes a man truly feel like a man more than the feeling that he has won the heart of a woman he loves. He must feel like he won her heart through conquest and pageantry; in other words through romance love and courtship. The honeymoon is the ultimate victory for a man, that even he can not fully realize until that moment. When two lovers wait for marriage that magical feeling can be shared together forever. When a woman gives herself to a man outside of a marriage that feeling is forever robbed from him. He won her flesh but not her respect, as he would have had they waited.

According to Christ there are only two foundations two can build a home on; solid rock or sinking sand, obedience to God or sin. Remember the marriage divorce ratio? I the 1880’s it was 5 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce, Today it is 50%. There was much less premarital sex in the 1880’s than there is today. Premarital sex is a sin. Premarital sex lays a foundation of sinking sand, for the home two may seek to build. You may say, yes David I know that but we “love each other.” Oh really! The Bible says that no one who practices premarital sex will enter the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-22; Remember Christ forgave the harlot saying to her, “go and sin no more,” there is hope for all who repent). Think this through with me. If you truly love each other would you commit an act that will keep that person not to mention your self from heaven? "But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul" Proverbs 6:32. Is that act love? Any action you make that would keep another from heaven can not be love. Call it what you will, but in the judgement of God premarital sex is not deemed love. Is an act like fornication that causes a soul to die the second death in the Lake of Fire and Brimstone an action esteeming the eternal wellfare of the other before your own desire? Love waits for marriage. Period!

Some couples can feel at times that their spouses are the enemy, and may not know what to do to stop the arguing. Next time a fight occurs think about Stephen as his enemies stoned him to death. “And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep.” Acts 7:59,60. Remember the principal of love is to esteem the other before your self. Stephen Like Christ on the Cross, was not thinking of himself, He was thinking of his murderers. Jesus said, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44. If an unfortunate argument erupts the Bible’s answer is right here, think about these scriptures.

“Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” James 1:19.

“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Proverbs 18:13.

“Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1.

In conclusion, ladies you need to let your husbands once again wear the pants in the family. Men you need to get over your self and learn to love your wives, and your families. If you do not what will be the result? The results are all around us, the destruction of all that is good in the family. Does not the following verses completely fit the description of American Television icons like “The Simpsons” and “Married with Children” (Al and Peggy Bundy). This is the state of many families today.

2 Tim 3:1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

My heart breaks, how much more the heart of Jesus at the state of our families today. I challenge every man reading this to stand up and be a man; a real man like Jesus is. If God grant you the blessing of finding a wife then love your wives, listen to her feelings, be considerate of her needs, be willing to travel any distance sacrifice anything you have, suffer any injustice with humility to bring her happiness. Place her needs before your own. Forgive each other. Do not go to bed angry with each other. Bear each other’s burdens care deeply for one another. Try to “out love” one another. Do not seek to puff your self above your mate, humble your self for loves sake. Take walks together, read together, go to church together, and sing together, read the bible together, pray together. Hold and cherish each other, for love’s sake. When in doubt love your mate the way Jesus does. Love never fails.

Want to Hear more? Listen to this Radio Message by David M. Curtis: Christian Courtship and Biblical Marriage Principals

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